I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just googled if crying burns calories
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just high enough for therapy.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
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And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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