Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
