i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
