I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
