farters have to be the big spoon...
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
