Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
