Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
4 words: hood of his car
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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