just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
