I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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