All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
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