Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
