There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
