So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
