i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
