The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
