dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
