i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I want a musical about memes.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
