i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
