who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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