i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
