This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
