they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
