i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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