Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
