How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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