This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
