that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
