You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Just cropdusted the office
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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