failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Randomize
