So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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