I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
