I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
