just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i just had sex bonerless
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
