what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
