people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
