once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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