Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
false alarm, still single
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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