i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
