Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize