Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
what day is it and did you see me today?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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