Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
