Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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