he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
