i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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