Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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