can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
