I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
