I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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