dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
