My Higher Power is John Stamos
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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