upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
