only you would photoshop your dick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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