Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
splinters make it hard to masturbate
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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