last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
