the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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