i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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