I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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