btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Randomize
