so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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