.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
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Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
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As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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