I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
i think my cat just said my name.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
