you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Randomize
