can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
you had me at cake vodka
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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