do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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