This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
