Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
