at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
