I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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