I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
