it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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