The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
