Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
