i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
