Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
