You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
