i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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