theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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