Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
