If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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