Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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