I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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