If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
