Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
