There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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