I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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