i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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