Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
where does the pee come out of this thing
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
