I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
