you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
