i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
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